I kid and shit you not when I tell you that the response for the first half of ‘The Sinister Grounds of Foreplay’ has been phenomenal. It is safe for you to assume that 97% of the responses are from the fairer sex, because you would assume correct. There is a 1% population of ladies who have freaked out and exiled themselves from the human abstract aka: existence to avoid men of lunacy – men like me (SNARL), not without a few moving text messages that say ‘creep’ or ‘freak’. I am amused. Quite certain the potential serial killer in me has been stroked awake and the silent predator is shaking its mane while issuing a big, hearty YAWN.

There is a 2% that consists of guys; some who have good things to say, some who are way too shy and backward to actually step up to me and say ‘Adey, where have you learned all this stuff from ah?’ or ‘Are these things even possible?!?’ but they depict this is in silent goodwill & subconscious spirit. That’s fine.

Then within that 2% there lies a bunch of guys who‘ve never really liked me (and I wonder why) who apparently loathe me even more now to the point that they wish they could withdraw their wands (not the wands you think ladies & gentlemen) and go Harry Potter on my ass and turn me into a jellyfish, a squirrel or a rabbit. I’ve heard numerous things like ‘Just who the bloody hell does he think he is, to advise OUR women?’ or even ‘We don’t need tips how to please a woman. Our ladies are happier than they’ve EVER been.’ And that is why even they read The Safe Word verbatim – for clarity of mind.

But instead of focusing on the Harry Potter types who wouldn’t be able to tap luminous pink butterflies out of their wands, I’d like to focus on the saturating and satisfying direct responses I’d received so far of a more positive caliber. A big thank you to everyone who checks my column regularly, as well as the kind, sincere & bold individuals who leave their comments on the site. Then the numerous hoards of divine beings that have e-mailed, messaged or called saying things like:

‘Hello Satan, you DO know you are at least the devil’s advocate don’t you? I am so wet…’

‘Suresh? Electricity?!? Really…’

‘Dude! And you wonder why our boyfriends DON’T like you?’

‘So is it really true you have a dungeon at your place?’

‘Well now that I’ve told my boyfriend and the rest of my male minions to check this out… hopefully my sex life will improve.’

‘Can I take you home with me?’

‘Bro, if you were a gigolo you’d be making as much money as Bill Gates.’

‘Suresh? Electricity?!? Really…’

‘Oh My God…I Have No Words…’

Now focus please. Get those riveted thoughts unknotted and follow me into the beautifully grotesque world of throbbing impulses, animated adventure and an ocean of sexual conquest unlike any you’ve voyaged on before. Have the pop corn and a few boxes of tissues by your side. A large towel and/or a bucket might help too.

Previously on The Safe Word – The Sinister Grounds of Foreplay: 

• Sensory Deprivation

• Bondage

• Candle Wax

• Ice

• Food/ Aphrodisiacs

• Substances

• Porn/Erotica/Kinky Flicks

This week let’s get our hands, fingers and alters desecrated & consecrated with the remaining 7 elements. Sink your teeth into those bit gags and claw your skin… and read on as the crimson gently trickles away like dark, secret rivulets scenting out fresh veins to plunder. Ready? Drip, Drip, Drip my lovelies.

· S & M

BDSM for those among you who aren’t familiar with this bizarre ritual for the abstract of mind stands for Bondage & Discipline, Dominance & Submission, Sadism & Masochism.

So the formula goes thus: BD + DS + SM = BDSM

It is a form of consensual role play stimulated by experiences that combine pleasure and pain in equal measure to create heightened feelings of sexual enthrallment, tension and release. Although the wider world considers BDSM to be an anomaly – a circus freak show for the psychologically disturbed & morally challenged while being well outside the conventional sexual norms “box”, in truth it offers deep psychological therapeutic value, unparalleled emotional & physical transcendence and spiritual solace at the same time for those who have the horse by its reigns or so to speak. BDSM is meaningless if the two souls interlocked and laced as one don’t share insurmountable trust and confidence in each other. It would be shallow and fruitless if you don’t believe in each other. Remember that even if you need to etch it on your chest. You think that trust matters for relationships with emotional attachments only… Horseshit. Trust is a scepter of hope even when it comes to sex. Or prostitution would be a national sport.

I agree that BDSM isn’t for everyone. The same way Progressive Rock or Heavy Metal isn’t for everyone. But it is an open road for those who are willing to tread along and discover things that will shock, awe, inspire and satisfy. You must walk the path on your own accord… because BDSM isn’t something to be taken lightly. It can result in injury, in certain instances death and in most instances push your partner into buying you a straight jacket and a rubber duck for Valentine’s Day.

Exercising control and power over someone else is overwhelming, at the same time if you are of the dominant type being controlled and subjugated by someone who is masterful can also be an amazing experience; however both parties must consensually practice and endorse BDSM if it is to truly mean something to you. The tools and apparatuses are immaterial or secondary at the first juncture. What is most important is that you first establish if you are stimulated by being controlled or by being the one cracking the proverbial whip.

Does it make you wet as winter to have your partner crawling on her/his knees with a collar round her/his neck and obey your every command and whim? Or does it make you lose the plot with a capital ‘P’ to be redeemed by being the receiver? What makes you tick and tock? What lies asleep in your most sanctified vault? Thinking about this and understanding this will aid you better on your sexual exploits because you will know what vehicle you are steering, know its power, its limitations, strengths, weaknesses and at the same time help you understand your partner and his/her wants and needs. This is something many who are in relationships forget. Sometimes we rant and complain about so many things that we forget to listen – because even the sound of silence can speak a thousand words. We forget to observe and pay attention to the right things. People are backward to come out in the open with their true desires, feeling intimidated or anxious that they will be judged or face prejudice, or even be misunderstood.

By engaging in BDSM I believe that you will begin to understand the meaning behind every smile, the colors and nuances behind every giggle, the way the light dances in the vortex of your partner’s eyes, the way the retinas grow wide with anticipation and grow dark with contempt, you will know tears of joy from tears of sorrow, you will know the scent of fear and anxiety, the thrill of having someone who is arrogant and absolutely a control freak melt like wax in the crux of your palm. Every sigh will be a whisper, every murmur a gesture of submission, silence will be the sweetest sound you hear and pain & pleasure will be a shadow by your side. A burning halo while you crawl on shards of glass in your sublime tunnel. Who needs a light at the end of the tunnel when you know you are in good, capable hands right?

Yes, I know girls… I do get carried away with the metaphoric expressions.

Dominance and Submission deals with the exchange of Power, Trust, Faith, Obedience and Responsibility in a sexual context. Although this stands as a unique phenomenon it incorporates a lot of the other aspects that we’ve discussed so far; bondage and sensory deprivation for instance is used to enhance and accentuate the feeling of submission and to supplement the emotions of controlling and/or being controlled.

Basically the way I figure there are 3 types of people in this world. Nice try, but it’s NOT the good, the bad and the ugly. There are sadists, masochists and sado/masochists. Now in my experiences the majority of folk are either sadists or masochists. Here’s a little friendly guide to have you galloping on your way…

Sadists – Sadism is sexual pleasure derived by inflicting pain and pleasure, degradation, humiliation and control over another. This would render a sadist as the dominant party otherwise known as masters/mistresses or doms which is the common term of reference.

Masochists – Within a consensual framework a Masochist enjoys submission; to be at the whim and power of someone else, to be bound, teased, pained in the name of pleasure or to be immobilized & helpless while being sexually whiplashed or consumed. These are known as Subs or Slaves.

Sado-Masochists – Now to me this is a grey area which consists of very few people. Yours truly falls into this category, that’s possibly why I can often see the entire picture clear cut like a pallid sunset swallowed by an enraged sea. Both these worlds make sense to me and mean two entirely different things to me. I can relate to both although I must admit my cup of tea and weapon of choice is to control. I am a better Dom than I make a Sub but I have been told time and time again that there are a great many ladies who would like to see me suffer in their hands. I am neither too brave or that foolish to let myself be controlled by a pack of sadistic women, at the same time. I treasure my manhood too much.

Sado-Masochists love the cruelties, subtleties and intricacies of both worlds & can switch to either role naturally depending on the given scenario. Sado-Masochists experience sexual excitement in both contexts and can be diverse in switching roles.

• Fetish/Kinks

Alright. Got your Kleenex with you? Formally a Fetish is an item, practice, ritual, apparel, place or act that is utilized to stimulate and enhance sexual arousal. Sexual Fetishism is the sexual arousal brought on by objects, situations or parts of the body not conventionally and traditionally viewed as being sexual in nature. There are some who have psychoanalyzed Fetishists as people with pathological sexual degeneration and hypersensitivity. Whether we like it or not every living, breathing person has a Fetish or a Kink which is discovered, stumbled upon at an early age but not quite understood, or for a great many undiscovered for most of their lives. I know girls who love to smoke while having intercourse. I know of others who share foot fetishism or podophilia. Asphyxiation is a fairly common fetish among partners. I had amazing sex with a fellow fetishist who derived great pleasure from drawing blood from me. Another I associated would finger herself over phone conversations to the point where her long and curvy nails would wound her vagina a tad and she loved it. I’ve known ladies to love getting dirty and saucy in the rain, in mud and water while others love the feeling of being taken in a car or to fuck whilst being tied onto a jeep. Does that sound crazy to you? It’s true. Try a lady who loves being ‘Thunderstruck’ mainly in bathrooms in her office or someone who would spank your private with so much fury your cherry would glow blue in the dark. You’d be able to blind the Energizer bunny with your glowing cock.

Some like me are drawn towards textures and materials of apparel like leather, PVC, fishnet and latex. Medical Fetish is something that’s not uncommon but is relatively rare. Ironically most of the aspects of foreplay I’ve handpicked for the Sinister Grounds emphasize a Fetish or a Kink preference of some caliber if you really think about it. Whether its wax, ice, food/aphrodisiacs or Shibari these are all fetishes of some sort aren’t they?

Fetish Clothing is something that definitely comes in handy to spice things up in your sex room (I don’t say bedroom ‘cos I know many of you innocent sweethearts love other parts of your home as well). I like a lady in corsets, collars, elbow length latex opera gloves, knee high leather boots and especially stilettos. Ladies & Gents you can try on some fetish attire that you are comfortable slipping into as a kinky nurse, doctor, school teacher, cop, military officer, pilot, business executive, traditional Dom etc., You should know what drives your men weak in the knees, and men you should be a bit adventurous; I don’t encourage cross dressing – not my thing at all – but when in Rome right? I am not here to judge… just to lend a helping hand. Does everything I write come across as a potential sexual innuendo? I hope not.

Whether you dig masks and hoods or love to see your man in full suit ripping it all off and blindfolding you with his tie… Or you’re turned on by your kinkster draped and Hell Bent for Leather with a little flog/whip/cane in hand while Defenders of the Faith or Number of the Beast roars as your soundtrack – whatever stirs your pot… it can happen if you let the rusty doors to your imagination burst open. There’s never any hurry and why should you be embarrassed with a person who you trust? You know what turns you on – just be yourself. People should accept others for who they are & not what they are expected to be. The world would be a much better, saner and safer place. And more people will be making love and lust as opposed to blowing holes through our Ozone layer.

• Role Playing

We ain’t talking Road Runner and the Coyote here, but one of the reasons our sex lives get languid is because things become predictable. Think about it. You can’t eat Pizza everyday… well you could, but common sense dictates that even the most ardent fan of Pizza after 4 or 5 days straight may not feel as excited to chow down its contents as in the first few days. It’s in our programming and processing systems as human beings to always need a sense of change to feel excited, something to spring out like a deadly jack in the box out of the norm and offer a different dynamic, a varying mystery to leave us in suspense. Most don’t admit it, but everyone needs a walk out of the traditional park into new terrains of experience and fresh warrens of contemplative disposition. What’s old grows old, what’s new grows old too… it’s a fact of life. But shifting and changing things a wee bit can make a hell of a difference.

Role Playing can be defined as the act of exchanging and engaging in acts of power, control, authoritative demeanor, conduct and switching the role of the Dominant or the Submissive to make things a bit more interesting. Role Playing is also the changing of one’s behavior to assume a role to subconsciously fill a social role or to act out an adopted role in a sexual context. Sexual Role Playing therefore involves two partners (or more) introducing some dramatic flair with a strong underlying sexual theme. There are different types of Role Playing with a variety of settings and instruments/toys that sanctify & augment the sexual scenario to unprecedented proportions.

Here are some of the common scenarios – Teacher & Student, Employer & Maid, Doctor/Nurse & Patient, Lawyer & Client, Mistress & the Butler, Vampire & Victim, Cop & Prisoner etc.

If you feel Role Playing is a stringent waste of time then by all means leave it out of your sexual menu. But think about it. There must be at least 1 or 2 scenarios that you have secretly conjured in the recess of your mind but are a little embarrassed to mention it out aloud? Does the notion of a sexy Milk Maid not drive you loco? No? Tell me you wouldn’t go ga ga to have your partner in shackles and chains licking and kissing your feet? Just so you know it’s modesty that really killed the cat.

You needn’t act out with a script and work with a plot per say, it’s more about creating stimulation through that said scenario where your partner is made to feel powerful or powerless, where you go with the general flow of things but your sessions of Fore Play would bloom anew. Start off with a Role Playing scenario and then build it up by mixing some bondage, sensory deprivation, wax, ice, throw in some quality toys into the concoction and you’re partner will dream of you even when she’s/he’s awake and be turned on like a broken dam. Try it out before you condemn it. Aiyo, where’s your sense of adventure?

• Toys

Everybody loves their Toys don’t they? Except we aren’t talking about military toys & action figures or Barbie Dolls here… we are talking about devices and accessories that make the sex act unforgettable. In Sri Lanka I know many ladies who scorn with irrefutable contempt to own a Dildo or a Vibrator. This is very foolish.

Men generally have one sound orgasm, and from that point onwards the orgasms remain pretty much the same. It never ceases to feel good, but it never progresses to something beyond/within or so to speak. It feels good and deeply satisfying but frequent ejaculation can accentuate or weaken the individual. Women on the other hand as we’ve discussed before are gifted to have numerous orgasms and climatic peaks. A lady would feel better with each orgasm as it builds up to an unfathomable climax. So the fairer sex possesses a variety of levels where they experience stages of pre-cum, cum, pre-orgasmic bliss, orgasmic exultation, pre-climaxes and epic climatic euphoria. Women are also able to experience Tri-gasms, Quadro-gasms and Multiple Orgasms which makes our task as men a lot harder and scrupulous than we would imagine. So I am certain all you fine readers grasp that by denying and depriving someone of their climax will only further stimulate them to kingdom come. Vibrators, Dildos and some other gadgets are more useful than you think.

I am an ardent fan of toys in a bedroom or a dungeon. If you’re creative there are plenty of household items and office accessories that can be of significant use to you and your partner. You can’t think out of the box if you’re in the box. Half the challenge is in your ability to perceive, be intuitive, thoughtful and confident in your choice of selecting the right toys. The right toy in the possession of the right person can drive a lady to the moon, back, all around the cosmic plains and have her in so much awe she’ll have you for breakfast, lunch, supper and dinner after. It takes time to master your tools, so do your research, ask around – don’t be shy – experiment tactfully and cautiously and you’ll soon realize that there’s nothing shameful about owning a toy or 2 to spice up your act of love & lust.

Some Toys and Accessories that would be mighty handy & make your wardrobe extra useful:

Bondage Restraints: Vet Wrap, 3 and 4 way Hogtie Clips, Y Shackle Straps, Quick Ties, Cotton Bondage Rope, Hemp Rope, Buckling Cock Ring & Chain Leashes, The Bound Leather Hogtie, Leather Leashes, Black Leather Belts, PVC Leashes, Doggie Style Straps, Rawhide Lace, Chains etc.

Metal Restrains: Oval Wrist & Ankle Shackles, Locking Leather Collar, Basic & Furry Handcuffs, Professional Thumb Cuffs, Bondage Cuffs.

Straight Jackets & Arm Binders: Straight Jackets, Arm Binders, Bondage Opera Gloves, Perforate Bolero Straightjackets, Rubber or Black Canvas Straight Jackets.

Women’s & Men’s Body Harnesses: Bust Harnesses, PVC Slave Harnesses, Buckle Up Leather Harnesses, Custom Body Harness with & without Locking, Women’s Chastity Belts, Strap-in Chastity Harnesses, Open Body Harnesses.

Suspension Equipment: Deluxe Suspension Cuffs, Grip Cuffs with Fur Lining, Steel Suspension Bars, Love Swings, Steel Bondage Frames, Vaginal Hooks/Hangers.

Spreader Bars: Sportsheets Bondage Bars, X Bars, Wrist Spreaders, Adjustable Wrist/Ankle Spreaders, Thigh Spreaders, Posture Bars, General Purpose Spreaders.

Fist Mitts: Leather Bondage Mittens, Double Fist Mittens, Padded Fist Mittens etc.

Strap-ons & Dildos: Dildo Harnesses, La Femme Strap-ons, Le Butch Strap-ons, Low Rise Leather Strap-ons, Leather G-String Dildo Harnesses, Head-on Harnesses etc.

Whips & Paddles: Canes, Crops, Floggers, Paddles, Slappers & Straps, Braided/Twin Lash/Braided Single Tail, Flex Flicker/Thong/Rubber/Flat Squid/Tickler Whips.

Women & Fetish Wear: Waist Clincher Belts, Rubber Corsets, PVC Waist Clinchers, Corinthian Corset Dresses, Ophelia Corsets, Locking Hasp Corsets, Frill Panties, Bootie Cleavage Briefs, Leather Side Tie G-strings, Front Zipper Micro-Mini Skirts, Back Zipped Mistress Dresses, Micro A-Line Skirts, Black Backless Dresses, Rubber Mini & Spanking Skirts, Tank Dresses, Premium Feline Masquerade Masks, Zanni Masquerade Masks, Leather Cat Masks, Dragon Lady Masks.

Stockings & Lingerie: Latex Thigh-High Stockings, Garter with Color Trims, Fishnet Pantyhose & Thigh High Stockings, Leather Garter Belts, Spandex Fishnet Pantyhose.

Men’s Fetish Wear:  Men’s Masquerade Masks, Body Suits, Harnesses, Jocks & Thongs.

Vibrators: Top Drawer Vibes, Rabbit Vibrators, G-Spot Vibrators, Jelly Vibes, Hitachi Magic Wands, Bendable Jelly Vibes, Waterproof Vibes, Hard Throb & Studded Flex Vibes, 7” Silver Slimline Vibrators, Pocket Sized Vibrators.

Dildos & Insatiable:  Silicone Dildos, Double Sided, Glass, Acrylic, Metal, Spiral, Rubber, Vinyl Dildos, Anal Probes, Ringed Anal Beads etc.

• Talking/Swearing/Cussing

OK… I LOVE a lady who can talk/scream/shriek/wail/howl/mourn/groan/growl DIRTY. At the same time in the right scenario I would reward silence with equal benefits. However it is integral to retain some form of basic conversation while having foreplay or even intercourse because very often no matter how pretty, good looking or confident our partners appear to be there’s a fraction of “I hope this is working” running in their minds. We are ALL a little self conscious sometimes and there’s nothing wrong with that. It is therefore important to let your partner know that all is fine, that you are amazed and ecstatic. It is necessary to give indications and to even guide your partner. For example since I am gifted with an unusually sturdy and long tongue (that is NOT to say my Excalibur is less provocative) a lady may require me to slide my tongue behind her ears, gently sucking on the ears while penetrating her with her legs fully stretched while my fingers massage certain erogenous zones of her body. I might not instinctively make these distinctions and therefore positive comments, feedback and even gently whispering what you want will give your partner a better understanding of how you crave to be satisfied.

Communication is one of the keys to greater, better sex. Very often non-communicating partners have ok sex for a short while and then it goes downhill from there because to make things interesting you need to let each other know what’s on your mind. It also helps take the pressure off and rid your partner of doubt, confusion and self consciousness if you ‘create’ a relaxed environment and an  impression that you are enjoying yourself and that doing this or that will make you feel even better. “Oh Yes, Oh… Oh… Ohhhhhh… A bit to the left, now the right… don’t twirl just go up and down… There… Right There… Oh Zeus! Faster… HARDER” you know stuff like that. Make it sync with the flow so you don’t let your partner think you’re an electronic instruction manual.

Some will demand things and some will obey. Others need to be more affectionately encouraged to open up and so talking dirty and cussing may not work with everyone. Some ADORE their silence while in the act so do the math and don’t blabber with people like that. God did invent gags for a reason. There are those who love being spoken dirty to and those who will be insulted and find it a personal hit at their self integrity. So you need to figure out what your partner is like and start by complimenting your partner’s body, assets, her/his smell or scent, agility, strength, fluidity etc. If you build confidence in the mind of your lover then he/she will go the whole distance with you. Just don’t sound bloody pretentious for crying out loud like a damned trance loop repeating over and over. If you have nothing honest to say best thing is to shut up and get on with it. If it’s a long standing partner/mistress then you need to elevate things… so communicate and speak your mind, your heart and soul. Let your lover know how wonderful you feel. If new ideas are tried out, fresh ventures will NOT always go as smooth as planned but encourage your lover even if you need to exaggerate a tad… your partner and you will only get better with time. Real life sex NEVER works like choreographed and scripted porn flicks and movies. There are loopholes and mishaps when one tries new things. It’s all part of the learning curve.

• Spit

No I am not asking you to go Sex Pistols or The Clash on your partner, though I know some who love to spit randomly on their partner’s orifices. It’s up to you guys to pick hygienic partners, nothing I can do there. But take notes my friends… saliva makes the tip of the penis, the clit hood, z clit in all its beauty and uniqueness exceptionally more sensitive. It’s true. How you will go about this is totally up to you. Generally when guys are serviced orally and deprived of a climax, thereafter when they slide their saliva induced rods into the woman’s most precious alcove the sensation is almost unbearable. Once the lady is wet as a summer lake and that combines with the saliva the dude will go absolutely bat shit. This is a personal favorite of mine and not something that ought to be tried on one night stands, occasional rendezvous and impromptu sessions with partners other than with someone who is a steadfast lover. You need to wear protection before shit hits the fan and at all or most times. No joke folks… ladies; the pill doesn’t always guarantee what it promises and guys; there are ways to make the sex act amazing even with a raincoat. I know… I know… It feels better without a condom. Even in the world of sex there are rules no? Thou must abide by these laws or else the complications and consequences may not be in your favor. Saliva however does make the surface of your skin softer and therefore sucking on nipples, ears, lips, fingers, toes and even the labia and clit itself will heighten sensitivity and elucidate a new sense of euphoria.

• Electricity

Surprisingly this is what the majority of the fairer sex have inquired about, over any other point of Foreplay on my column. Such lucky buggers in this country with ladies who literally love to shock the shit out of their men.

Kids don’t try this at home unless your partner’s insured. I am kidding. Here’s a step by step guide to how electricity can be one of the greatest (and admittedly craziest) stimulating elements period. This is like playing cops and robbers in your backyard with a real .45. It ain’t that bad… Just know what you’re doing. This stuff is tested and created for purposes of sexual stimulation so don’t get any ideas shocking and electrocuting your lover with car batteries, mosquito rackets, household electrical gadgets unless you fancy a brain dead partner who will talk like Paris Hilton with a mo hawk for life.

Tens Units: The Transcutaneous Electrical Nerve Stimulator generates a wide range of interesting sensations sending electrical impulses through your partner’s skin. It is battery operated and its pulse generator offers 2 channels so it can power up to 2 bipolar or 4 bipolar electrode attachments simultaneously. The pulse amplitude, rate and width can all be adjusted to change the flavor of the electrical signal. The rotary controls are adjustable allowing precise adjustments of pulse frequencies from 2-150 per second and durations from 50-250 microseconds.

Electrical Vaginal & Anal Dildos: Such Dildos are generally designed specifically for vaginal and anal penetration where the electricity can be turned from a very slight tickle to an intense jolt for mind blowing contractions.

The Electro Masturbator: Designed exclusively to stimulate your most sensitive parts, if you gently pass the Electro Masturbator over your foreskin, frenulum and glans you will discover a new world of orgasmic bliss.

Dual Contact Electro Penis Straps: Having several electrical contact points located on each strap to concoct mild or even intense sensation play. It works like a cock & ball strap to hold the erection in place and is easy to use.

Violet Wands: If you’re into creating interesting, mind eviscerating sensations then the Violet Wands are a useful thing to own. Whenever the static electricity coursing through the hollow glass tube reaches close or is held to a person it will turn your partner’s body into a lightning rod with pretty sparks flying about. Sounds freaky but you’d be shocked at how many love this kind of thing. It must be used to shock only certain points of the body. But in the right pair of hands the Magic Wand actually is an enchanting device.

This IS a long post. Sex is something that is the root of the tree. Foreplay is its branches and vines. If people take time to admire beauty, to gossip, watch or play sports, study, work, waste time doing nothing useful then spend your time wisely and learn all you can because we will continue to learn even on our death beds. We will learn regret, sympathy, compassion, pity, humility and joy with every experience, every circumstance. There is nothing we can master overnight. You need to clock in, practice and work really hard to play a guitar or you need to train day in and day out if you’re an athlete. Sex shouldn’t be a friggin’ backyard game for the bedroom because it’s so much more than that. Never be afraid to learn new things and to try out new things.

And at the end of the day I sincerely hope that The Safe Word is providing you with some useful facts that are applicable to your sexual lives. Sex to me is a fruitless endeavor without Foreplay; without taking time to appreciate, acknowledge, study and praise your partner, to show her that intercourse is a deeply spiritual experience and that if you’re psychologically stimulated then the experience is not only unforgettable but mesmerizing beyond anything words could convey.

So tell me… Have The Sinister Grounds of Foreplay left your panties in knots? Has wisdom embedded itself in the canals of your mind? Are you dripping mercury? Are you shocked? Are you satisfied and ready to satisfy? Are your hearts pounding like clenched fists of thunder in your chests? Are all you wonderful she-wolves hungry for inches? I fucking hope so.

This column is for YOU.

Shut your eyes, let your lips uncoil into a bewitching smile, chant Libera Nos a Malo & get ready to open your flood gates wide.

S