Remember seeing that incredibly beautiful girl at your local bookstore, or in your favorite pub; and thinking to yourself “my god she’s lovely, I would absolutely love to meet her!” And remember that gloomy sinking feeling you got in the pit of your stomach when you actually started considering approaching her? Feels horrible doesn’t it? Well the bad news is that this nasty little feeling that we like to call ‘approach anxiety’ is evolutionarily hard wired into us men; and no matter how many women you approach it will never completely go away. But the good news is that you can learn to get used to it and deal with it; and quite possibly even come to enjoy the rush of it at some point down the road.

But to get used to it, you need to acclimatize yourself to this uncomfortable little feeling. And for that, you need to approach a LOT of women. Easier said than done, I know. But I also know that one of the main reasons that the majority of men men hardly if ever approach ‘that beautiful girl in the bar,’ and more often than not go home angry and frustrated; is that they have absolutely no idea about how to effectively approach an unknown woman. Today we take a look at some of the worst mistakes men make when approaching a unknown woman in a social gathering.

Hovering

You know the situation. We’ve all been there at some point or other; the epoch of time where you literally hover around the woman you’re interested in meeting, while furiously debating with yourself if you should approach her or not. Newsflash! Women sense this hovering in a second; and not only will they come to see you as a man with low confidence levels, but quite possibly label you as the creepy guy. Now some of you might say that you need to take that time to build up your confidence to approach her, but the truth is that the longer you contemplate approaching her the more nervous and anxious about it you get. And more often than not you get to such an intense point of nervousness that you either chicken out, or you approach her as a jittery nervous wreck and get shot down within the first few seconds. The solution? Try to open the woman in no more than three seconds after you see her. She will be impressed by the confidence this conveys and be attracted to the spontaneous-ness.

Not smiling

How often do you see this: A guy frowning his way around the bar, trying to look ‘cool’ or ‘tough’ or ‘deep’? The facial expression you have  conveys the current emotional state you’re in, and by trying to look ‘tough’ or ‘deep’ you most usually come off as simple unhappy or try-hard. It is much better to walk around with a smile on your lips and a twinkle in your eyes. It’s much much better to be the fun playful guy than the ‘deep tough’ guy. But what if you have nothing to smile about? Who cares! No one else has to know. Another reason that smiling is very important is that we men generally have no idea how it is to be attracted to someone who is physically bigger and stronger than us. Imagine a guy trying to be ‘tough and deep’ with a somber frown on his face going up to a woman, tapping her on the shoulder and going “what’s up?” Scary no? So the next time your out in a social gathering make sure to have a small smile on your face. Trust me it will make breaking the ice much easier.

Ignoring her friends

Another huge mistake most men make when approaching is a girl is that they completely ignore the friends she is with. Women of exceptional beauty rarely go out alone. And when you walk up to her, completely ignore her friends and immediately start hitting on her, she has no choice but to quickly blow you out. How could she not when you put her in an extremely uncomfortable situation by completely disregarding her friends. And I know it is challenging approaching a group of women at first, but think of it as an opportunity as well. If you can demonstrate that you are able to approach her group and successfully engage and win over her entire social circle it will go a long way in creating and building that spark of attraction.

Conveying way too much interest

This is probably the worst and most common of mistakes that most guys make when approaching a beautiful woman. As soon as you approach a woman and convey way too much interest in her way too soon, you quite simply shoot yourself in your own foot. As soon as she hears the words “Hi your so beautiful, can I buy you a drink” she puts you in the same category as every other lovable loser that approached her about a hundred times that night itself. After all from her perspective, a guy who sees nothing past her physical beauty and is mesmerized by it could hardly have any real value to her. So set yourself apart from the throng, approach her without conveying your interest in her too soon; approach her indirectly. And when you open a girl indirectly without conveying your interest from the get go, she will be so surprised when she realizes that……..”he’s not hitting on me straight away!” And will more often than not start to think………”why isn’t he hitting on me like every other guy!” Pair this with a healthy body language and some adapt social skills, she will try to gain your interest, and voila! You’re in! The courtship dance has begun.

The exact art of how to approach a woman in a social gathering and exactly what to say is quite a intricate issue to tackle in this article alone; but we can always get into that gradually. For now this should give you fine young men an idea of what not to do when approaching a beautiful woman.

Until next time, be good. And play nice. And don’t hesitate to write in to us at backdoorman@backdoormag.com with any comments or questions you might just have.